Mistakes
by hinokumo
Summary: Vegeta reflects on the mistakes he has made. Angst, mild violence, first part in a series. Shounen ai=male/male.


Mistakes   
by hinokumo   
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine; they are the property of their   
creators and none other. I'm certainly not making any profit off of this. It's   
strictly for entertainment. So, enjoy.   
Warnings : none really. PG-PG 13 for language and hints of shounen ai.   
He is coming for me.   
  
I know this with a kind of certainty that makes fear irrelevant. Fear is only   
for those who have the slightest possibility of survival. I know that I have   
none.   
  
I have brought this upon myself, and this time there is no escape. Strange, now   
that I think about it...he has always been the one to come to my aid. The only   
one, besides my son. Now I can truly say that my life is over.   
  
Why did I do it, you ask? It...is difficult to explain. When he...said that to   
me...something broke.   
  
We are the last. Have been ever since that last battle so many years ago.   
Chikyuu...it draws evil to it like a moth to the flame. My son gave his life to   
save yours, and in the end died in vain. You and I, we were the victors...if you   
can count a victory after so much pain and loss. My mate and yours have long   
since passed, along with your friends and even your eldest son. The Namek did   
not last long after that.   
  
So it was down to the two of us. A meager existence of training and sparring,   
knowing I would never overcome you. So many years.   
  
Then, you had to go and say that. What did you expect me to do? Weep for joy?   
Because of you, I will never be the strongest. Our...MY race is gone and I will   
never take my rightful place. My son...My son was too much like those humans   
that raised you. And because of your influence, he, the last of my blood, is   
gone. Anger...anger was my answer to your words.   
  
...because I knew there was something else, as well. Something I would rather   
die than even acknowledge its existence.   
  
So I beat you. It was so simple, really. You did not even try to stop me. I   
think you expected it...   
  
And damned myself, I STILL could not bring myself to kill you. You were helpless   
at my feet. But the way you LOOKED at me...no hatred or anger. Just an immense   
pain and sadness...   
  
So I took it out on someone else. Someone who would look at me with fear and   
hatred. Someone I could control.   
  
I killed them all. Not that there were that many. Your descendants were few and   
far between, but I could sense them. The same way I can sense your approach.   
That damned technique of yours. Of course, it's mine now, too, but you will   
eventually catch me.   
  
I suppose I should fear that. You are no longer as you once were. You changed   
and it was my doing. That WAS frightening. I have never seen such a pure rage as   
when you discovered what I had done. In my mind's eye, I can still feel Chikyuu   
as it shook with the sheer power of your fury. This is what you kept inside   
you...what I have tried to achieve all these years...but once I saw it, the   
change, I knew the true power of our race.   
  
And it does scare me. You did not even try to pursue me as I fled in panic,   
because we both knew there was no place I could hide. Chikyuu...the air boiled   
before even half of your fury was released, I am sure of it. I fled long before   
you destroyed that which you had so long fought to protect. You had ascended to   
a level that put such trivial thoughts aside...or perhaps descended, but   
nonetheless, it is my fault.   
  
I have destroyed you. Nothing is more dangerous than a man who has nothing to   
lose.   
  
You are here. I should be trembling in fear, the aura of your presence seeps   
into every pore of my being, foretelling of my fate. I turn to face you.   
  
Anger. And I embrace it. There is no point in moving to avoid my punishment...   
  
I...cannot...   
  
Finally, I lay broken and bleeding at your feet. I wait for the end.   
  
A sob...I glance up at you. Your eyes are squeezed tightly shut, clear liquid   
brimming from your red-rimmed eyes. Huge chunks of ebony hair fall in your face   
and across your shoulders as you silently...cry?   
  
"Why?"   
  
The pain...I can feel it now. I think I always have, but just kept it buried   
deep down inside. My body aches, but nothing compared to my heart...You have   
been in pain for so long. Long before you said...   
  
He turns away from me. "I...have become what I hate," he murmurs. In that one   
sentence is more self-loathing than I have ever heard and it breaks me. So much   
pain...much of it my fault. I struggle to sit up, which I achieve with much   
effort.   
  
"I..." SAY it!   
  
"Forgive me, Vegita...for everything." His back is to me. I sense him and his   
thoughts and what he is thinking...NO!   
  
"I...I'm...I'm sorry." There, I said it. He startles slightly, but does not   
turn. What else can I say? There is no penance for my crimes. None but what he   
wishes to give.   
  
I do not care anymore, as long as he is not in pain. I had no right to...I have   
no right to...   
  
He is crying again. I have NEVER seen him cry. I do not know what to do. I   
cannot comfort him...I can barely move. Besides, the time when I have the right   
to touch him and his purity has passed. Passed with the passing of his home. Now   
we are BOTH homeless.   
  
"Ari, Vegita," he whispers, so very quietly.   
  
My cry of shock and horror does not even reach my lips before he is gone.   
He...he...killed himself. I stare stupidly at his still form, a last trail of   
smoke rising from the small hole over his heart, his face a serene picture of   
innocence.   
  
No...   
  
Not like this...I gasp silently, the sound echoing off the metal walls of the   
capsule ship I chose as my escape vessel. I am all alone...   
  
The tears fall unhindered. I do not care anymore. There is no one to see me, no   
one at all. I have done this to myself. Why? I sob. I know that I cannot go on   
living, yet at the same time, what difference does it make?   
  
Because of what I have done, I will surely never see any of them again. Even HE,   
after what has happened, will be welcomed with open arms. I...I will not be so   
fortunate. I know where my destination will be.   
  
I weep. I have never cried so pitifully before. Fate is cruel to allow you to   
realize your mistakes only after there is no hope of turning back...what have I   
done?   
  
Kakarotto...Goku...   
  
Strange, his earth name, even in my thoughts.   
  
Forgive me. Onegai. Forgive me, I cry to the heavens in the silence of space.   
But there is no one to answer me...I am alone again and the pain is unbearable.   
  
I cannot breathe...   
  
I am falling....   
I gasp aloud as my body hits something hard. Something soft clings to my body   
and I struggle with it wildly. It tears like so much tissue paper, littering the   
bed and the room--   
  
Bed? I glance around me, taking in short gasps of air. My room. My bed. The   
walls that belong to my home, the one Bulma has left for me. I tremble with   
realization...and fear, and joy.   
  
A dream. I run from my room. I must confirm that this is not some limbo world   
that has become my personal hell.   
  
Sunlight streams through the windows. It is mid-morning and I hear laughter from   
the den. I am there in less than a second.   
  
My son looks up at me suddenly, surprised by my speedy entrance. "Father?" he   
asked, concerned. His friend, that boy...Goten, looks up also, their game of   
cards momentarily forgotten. "Are you all right?"   
  
I cannot speak, I am trembling so. I take several forced breaths before I   
answer. "Yes, I'm just fine. Just had a weird dream."   
  
He smiles at me...so like his mother. "I warned you not to eat all that pizza   
last night, Father."   
  
"Yeah, you ate even more than my dad!" Goten exclaimed.   
  
"What about me?"   
  
I...am almost afraid to turn, but know there is little choice. There, in the   
doorway, wiping sleep from his eyes. He is alive. And normal. And beautiful. And   
staring at me with the stupidest...   
  
I smile at him. Not a smirk, but a true and genuine smile. He seems taken aback,   
blinking at me several times, like he is trying to clear an illusion from his   
vision. My smile widens and I can feel our sons gawking at me, but I do not   
care.   
  
They are alive. He is alive. I am alive.   
  
He smiles at me...there is much to make amends for.   
  
~owari~   
This has been a reposting of my first ever DBZ fic. I will repost the sequel, 'Amends' shortly after this.  
^__^hinokumo 


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